CONVERSION OF LIFE: an outline of remarks to the Community on 23 August 2020
by Rt. Rev. Michael-John Austin, Abbot
Credits:
Brother Brian Wangler, OSB
Lynne Baab, Ph.D., author
Outline:
CONVERSION OF ANY TYPE is to be based on a foundation that has clear guidelines for its purpose and goal. For Benedictines, and I strongly suggest for all Christians, that would be the foundation of Stability. Without sure footing, the pounding of everyday challenges, the constant waves of distractions, the winds of emotional instability will undermine the very floor we stand on.
So then, what is Conversion of Life? It is not a nice theological theory, a fine-tuned media special on how to lose 10 pounds, but rather a series of messy, sometimes conflict-centered, painful choices that allows us to see ourselves as we truly are, not the persona we place out there for everyone to like. Conversion of life is looking at ourselves in the mirror.
Benedict saw conversion both as a moment in time when we turn toward God and also as a continual process of growth made up of many tiny choices throughout the day. Conversion of life is about listening, truly hearing what is being said about us that needs changing. This is not always easy; as a matter of fact, if what is being said is true, it is never easy to hear what needs to be fixed or transformed. It is our nature to become defensive and attack back. But this is not conversion of life. Listening brings us to the crossroad of our imperfection. Listening is sometimes painful, yes, necessary, yes, if we are genuinely wanting to be more than we are today. Conversion of life is incremental: it’s the small things that become large things, that permits us growth and spiritual understanding.
Conversion is about freedom. It is a freedom to choose between right choices and wrong choices. It is a daily struggle that requires us to place enough right choices in a role to make a difference in who we are. Unfortunately, it is hard to sometimes to take one step forward without taking two backward.
St. Gregory of Nyssa says that we never truly become what we become unless deep down we choose it and keep choosing it all of our life. According to Gregory of Nyssa, we become what we choose continuously.
St. Basil says that asceticism means not “the giving up of worldly things” but rather giving up entirely one’s own self-will. This new freedom encourages us to make right decisions, to become active, freely simplifying our life from the “need” of more things.
St. Bernard says: We do not learn the truths of spiritual life by means of a discussion. Benedictine life is not about “having something to say,” but rather the action of holy listening and then doing. Conversion is about “doing,” making choices, not debating or having conversations on how to make it better. How about living into what we already have?
Benedict says it this way: The reason we have written this Rule is that, by observing it in monasteries [translation – living a life of conversion, doing it ] we can show that we have some degree of virtue and the beginnings of monastic life. But for anyone hastening on to the perfection of monastic life, there are the teachings of the holy Fathers and Mothers of the desert, the Old and New Testaments, the Conferences of the Fathers and Mothers, and, lest we forget, the Rule of our holy father Basil. Only then should we be ready to offer the gift of spiritual wisdom, when asked, serving up for us a spiritual meal.
Asceticism, self-denial of various kinds, may be the least good way to foster freedom and in turn make right choices. An example: Eating no meat on Fridays was a good ascetical practice, but without holy intention, knowing what we were striving for, the benefits or goal of the practice, soon made the practice empty; we do it because we have been told to do it. If an act of asceticism does not foster love, then it is vain and says more about us than not.
Conversion of life is about making choices, some right and some wrong. Making a choice that is wrong is easy, effortless, speaks to our inner self. But making a right choice does not come easy, for deep within us there is a conflict going on for our soul. While we may not easily make huge wrong decisions, — murder, stealing — it is self-centeredness that asserts itself most in the daily details of life. It is here that wrong choices are most often made.
The goal of asceticism is the healing of our spiritual wounds. The wrong choices that our weaknesses lead us to are a pain to our soul and mind. Conversion of life is not possible without the life, death, and resurrection of Christ. On this foundation we are given the freedom to choose life or death.
Prefer nothing to the love of Christ, Benedict says. That is easy for to the mouth to say but hard to live day in, day out. It will not take long before we will become aware that mercy and forgiveness is what we need most from God. For we soon discover that there are many other things that we prefer before the love of Christ.
The goal of asceticism and all forms of self-denial is love. The goal is freedom to make right choices.
St. Gregory of Nyssa says, “We become what we become by what we choose.”